Telling Your Parents

I’m Faery Wing, and I’m a thirteen-year old eclectic Witch/Wiccan. As a teenager, it can be so hard to tell your parents something, let alone that you’re Pagan, Wiccan, a Witch, etc. I ended up telling my twin brother first, which, in retrospect, was a big mistake. He ended up screaming at me, telling me I was going to burn in hell, and then ran downstairs to tattle on me to my parents, which he promised he wouldn’t do. He was even ignorant enough to tell me that my parents were going to perform an exorcism on me.

Well, I was worried, like any twelve-year old would have been. What my mom ended up saying was 'Well, it’s your choice.' My dad just said, 'I don’t know where you’re getting this Wicca stuff from, but you better do you’re research.'

I was among the lucky kids. Some of you have parents who’ll take a long time to accept it, if ever. For those people, I have a few tips that could help.

  1. Do your research. You have to be prepared for any questions they ask. If you’re not, it could make you look like a bumbling, rebellious teenager who just doesn’t want to be like their parents.
  2. Don’t raise your voice. If they start yelling, you start whispering. Every time there voice gets louder, you make your voice softer. This forces them to strain to hear what you’re saying, which takes their focus off of freaking out.
  3. Be mature. If you act like an immature teen, that’s what they’ll think you are. If you act mature, they’ll be more likely to think of you as a mature young adult.
  4. Don’t choose a time when they’re stressed. If you know that there are financial problem they have to worry about, don’t overburden them with this new worry about your religion.
  5. Choose a good time of day. Don’t tell them right when they wake up, because they’ll be tired, groggy, and less likely to remember and comprehend what you’re saying. Don’t choose late at night, either. They’ll have just gone through a day that was most likely stressful, to say the least, and they might completely flip out if they hear news like this.
  6. Be comfortable. I know this is going to sound odd, but if you’re not comfortable with them knowing, don’t tell them until you are. I know they’re your parents, but you wouldn’t tell your dad you have a date with the hottest guy in town if you weren’t comfortable with him having that information, now would you?
  7. Pray. You don’t have to tell your parents alone. You have your God/dess, and they’ll be willing to help you. Don’t think that it’s silly or stupid to ask for strength, wisdom, patience, or any other admirable trait to help you with your parents.
  8. Be confident. If you have parents that are basically Bible thumpers, they’ll look for anything to use against you, especially if they think you worship the devil. If you show any wavering in your decision, they will call you out on it and they will use it to try and convince you to be Christian, Catholic, Protestant, etc. Be sure this is what you want before you tell them about it. I had been a Witch for over a year before I really told them for sure.
  9. Work up to it. If you think that your parents are uneducated then start finding times to insert small facts. I did this, and I think it worked wonders with my parents. I would wait until a commercial and say 'Hey, mom, did you know that Native Americans were considered Pagan, just like Wiccans?'
  10. Don’t openly lie. In my mind, there is a difference in not telling your parents and lying to them when they ask you a direct question. Yes, not telling them is considered a lie of omission, but I don’t think that parents are going to be worrying about that. Plus, do you want your parents thinking your religion encourages lying? It would be better to tell them the truth when they ask that tell them you’re just studying and learning, then walking up to them a month later and saying ‘Mom, Dad, I’m Pagan/Wiccan/Heathen/a Witch!’
  11. Be patient. Your parents, like most people, probably only know what you tell them. Don’t get frustrated when they ask a gazillion stupid questions. It is what is to be expected.

Now that we’ve covered how to tell them, why don’t we talk about after you tell them?

It’s going to take a lot of getting used to, for you and them. Trust me. I still get nervous when I mention Christmas because I’m afraid my parents will flip out or something because only Christians celebrate Christmas.

You have to make sure that they’re comfortable with what you are before you ask them for things. It would not look good if, the day after telling them, you walk up and say ‘Can you buy me candles and incense so I can perform a ritual?’

Be open to compromise. My mom said she’ll let me have an altar, but won’t let me wear a pentacle. The only reason she won’t let me wear one is she grew up being taught they were evil. I’m still trying to persuade her to let me wear one. Your parents might let you believe what you believe, but won’t let you celebrate the holidays or perform a spell. Respect their wishes.

Say you’re a witch, and your name is Suzy. Your parents, let’s call them Mike and Chris, don’t want you to cast spells. You should respect their wishes, but you should also use common sense. You’re getting bullies, and you have tried everything, from ignoring it and telling the teachers to fighting back, and nothing is working. I think, in that situation, it would be appropriate to go against your parents’ wishes and at least cast a small protection spell. But, again, use your better judgment. Don’t get in trouble based on my article.

I hope these tips have helped in some way. Until next time, best luck, brightest wishes, and blessed be!

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