Responses to Nasty Fundies

Effective Answers When Christians Get Nasty

"I forgive you for your acts against me, here, have the other cheek"

"Here seems you have a plank stuck there, lemme help you pull it out"

"(Insert nasty word here), huh? That word's in the bible?"

"Seems to be you're not being exactly Christ-like. How about this. You go out and become a real christian, then we can discuss our religions together"

"Which bible would that be? Masonic, Gideon, KJV, NCE, Satanic, Greek Orthodox, Book of Mormon, Apocrypha, Torah — ?"

"Funky, I don't recall Christ ever saying that."

And my favorites

"So basically, as a christian, you believe that do unto others thing. So what you're saying is that you want me to belittle your faith. I don't play those games, but you might want to try http://www.Antichrist.Com."

"That's okay. You are misrepresenting your faith and mine. Seems to be a pattern with you. Maybe you should talk to a minister."

"Well, actually, you've got my faith completely wrong, but that's understandable, I’ve studied it, you haven't. But I forgive you."

"I affirm your right to act like a moron, and I promise I will not hold it against real christians, in fact, I forgive you."

Responses to "I will pray you find Christ"

"What, is he lost?"

"Will that prayer be in a marketplace or on a street corner"

"Edwin Goodenough, a scholar of religions, studied many cultures and noticed that in most of them, the feeling of having lost one's faith was as real as losing a leg or a hand. I hope you're happy praying someone lose their faith, and I pray that it never works should someone do it to you."

"You know, Pat Robertson says that there are satanists out there praying good Christians lose their faith. And you pray I lose mine, and you are different from them in what way?"

"I won't pray you lose your faith, though you'd pray I lose mine. I will pray you find yours, though."

Responses to Jesus Loves You!!

"Jesus loves me? Sure, if Jesus loves me, he loves my religion, it is a sacred part of me I won't be changing anytime soon."

"Yes, dear, but Apollo loves me more and he's a hottie."

"Then why doesn't he return my phone calls?"

Lastly, When I'm Feeling Really Nasty

"You know, I want to thank you. It's folk like you that have made my religion grow and grow. Who knows, without enemies our faith might've died out, again, I thank you!"

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